And while I'm in the mood for it: - Grin with cat attached — LiveJournal
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And while I'm in the mood for it: Mar. 25th, 2004 07:36 am
1) There is NOT "always one more space" on a tube train. Fuck off and wait for the next one.

2) Diving through a closing tube door and either a) manfully heaving it open or b) bowling over the pensioner standing inside it is NOT FUCKING CLEVER. Your waiting another 3 minutes does not just compensate for 200 people (what's the capacity of a tube train?) waiting another 30 seconds each.

3) And as for the twats who walk through between carriages (optionally carrying infants) while the train is pelting along underground, GET A FUCKING CLUE. No-one wants to pick your corpse up off half a mile of tunnel, and if I'm standing in my usual position in the end doorway, YOU WILL NOT PASS.

4) Where the hell are all the fire extinguishers on the tube? Are they actually allowed to run them with ALL the extinguishers missing?

5) To those who insist on going round the passanger tunnels the wrong way: What makes *you* so fucking special? Can you not appreciate the simple reasons for directional flow in the footways?

6) If you are standing in the middle of the side door and it opens onto a platform, and people want to get off, STEP OFF THE BLOODY TRAIN. Much as you might have the charm and wit of a metal beam, you are NOT immovable, and I will prove this if need be.

etc) insert template rants here about graffiti, litter, alcoholics, touts, etc, etc.

This rant brought to you by far too many clueless fuckwits, the time 07:36, and a complete lack of imagination in expletives.

Oh and PS; the stairs may well say "emergency use only", but then you haven't been inside my head in a crowded lift. And I'm fit enough to use them.

From: ravenevermore
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 12:06 am (Link)
Eva, Vicki and myself were on a tube back to Victoria a while back (This was post pub iirc... or was it post party? one or the other) and there were a bunch of twats on the tube that thought it'd be funny to shooting off the fire extinguisher at each other. in addition to occasionally misting over us, it smelt rank...
Agree on all other points btw.
(no subject) - arkady
From: ravenevermore
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 12:33 am (Link)
On the way out we told a guy in uniform and he radio'd ahead to the next station. In addition to this the guys who messed around were still on the train and seemed at that point intent on throwing each other through the windows...
From: wechsler
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 12:25 am (Link)
So link the extinguishers into the alarm system; removing them should alert the driver and sound the in-train beeper. I'd rather have occasional delays from false alarms than a one-off cremation.
From: swiftangel
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 12:07 am (Link)
Sounds exactly like my experiences on NYC subways. I don't miss that at all...
From: barking_watcher
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 12:25 am (Link)
You have my sympathy on this one, I used to dread having to use the tube during rush hour.

May I impart the following as some form of enlightenment/answer to your observations/questions

4)As Ash pointed out Fire Extinguishers do tend to attract Fuckwits, I guess London Transport's view is that the cost of re-filling all the extinguishers that had been irresponsibly let off wasn't worth it, at least I hope that's the anwser, anything else is to scary to think about.

5)These people go through life counting the nano-seconds, they've somehow worked out that no matter what, if they go down a passenger tunnel the wrong way they'll have shaved 2 secs of their journey time or it will put them in a better position on the platform so they can get in to a particular carriage. This view has blinded them to the fact that more often than not a time saving is lost due to the fact that they are trying to fight their way past 50+ people going in the opposite direction.

6) These people are the most paranoid of tube travellers, they will not move further inside the carriage even when there is space. This is because they believe that they will become trapped there when the tube fills up with other travellers who don't move to let people off the train. They will also not step off the train to let someone get past them for fear that they'll never get back on again.

From: wechsler
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 12:29 am (Link)
4) This is the sort of logic that appears on "World's worst disaster" documentaries, and usually ends up with some exec getting ritually flayed (and then getting a golden handshake) after a major "incident".

5,6) People are fucking stupid. I knew that.
From: uon
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 12:37 am (Link)
I don't consider it unreasonable to nip down the wrong lane of the tunnels iff:

(1) It is clear to see that I can get back into the correct lane without encountering anyone coming in the opposite direction, and

(2) The correct lane is blocked by a large mass of people who are either walking extremely slowly or have in fact stopped altogether to figure out where they're going.
From: wechsler
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 02:27 am (Link)
Wrong lane, fine, if you can really see it's clear.

Wrong tunnel, no.
From: ali_in_london
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 12:57 am (Link)
I would partly argue against (1) in that occasionally there would be room for one more if the idiots standing in the middle of the aisle of the carriage actually moved down instead of leaving a meter gap between them and the next person. Now I understand that some people get panicky if they don't have enough space, but if the person is aware of this they should not be trying to use the tube at rush hour. Surprising at it may seem, there are other transport methods in London.
(no subject) - (Anonymous)
From: thekumquat
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 02:16 am (Link)
That's exactly why. A long-suffering ticket guy at Covent Garden told me all about it once. The ones trying to impress their mates fall down the stairs and break their ankles; the businessmen trying to get fit have heart attacks and then fall and break their ankles...
From: wechsler
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 03:37 am (Link)
So having one more guy trained in ELS wandering up and down them probably won't hurt.
(no subject) - (Anonymous)
From: ciphergoth
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 01:33 am (Link)
That can't be right - it's an odd number. There are six banks of seven seats in each of eight carriages, so I make it 336 seats. I'd guess you can fit about the same again standing or somewhat more, so at least 672 passengers on a crowded tube train. Delay them all by 30 seconds and you've wasted over five and a half hours of someone's time...
(no subject) - (Anonymous)
(no subject) - (Anonymous)


From: valkyriekaren
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 03:58 am (Link)
razornet is a boy.
From: valkyriekaren
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 02:16 am (Link)
I've read it; it's very good.
(no subject) - (Anonymous)
From: wechsler
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 02:00 am (Link)
Complain about what you like, but anyone using those doors while the train is moving is submitting themselves (and frequently their kids) for a potential Darwin Award.
From: thekumquat
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 02:19 am (Link)
The connecting doors aren't designed to be used when the train is moving. There's a gap of a foot or so between carriages, which opens and shuts, and nothing to catch you if you slip.

I think about one person a year dies going through those doors, which is profoundly antisocial as it causes big delays, not to mention being nasty for the people who have to see your mangled body and the ones who have to clear it up.
(no subject) - arkady
From: wechsler
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 02:30 am (Link)
Egads, they're bigger than I thought.

Once a year the Fire Brigade have fun trying to set a train on fire.
*giggle* Fair enough - so why are there extinguisher *holders* ?

Hmm. have you considered joining undergroundgoth? :-)
Will certainly take a look :)
From: dennyd
Date: March 25th, 2004 - 10:35 am (Link)
Hrm, I do commit violation #5 on your list, at the station near duranorak's house... although I wouldn't do it if it was in any busy sort of period. I'm generally one of about 2 or 3 people using the elevator there though, so I don't think I'm going to round a corner and find a tidal wave of people coming towards me whose path I'm blocking.

I'm really not looking forward to commuting with a freshly healed leg, I suspect it's going to be a bit on the nerve-wracking side.