||Nov. 24th, 2004 10:49 am|
None of us are truly monogamous. Besides our partners we all have other things we love; places, books, foods, pets, family, hobbies, even concepts. And we don't feel compelled to limit ourselves to one of each of those, as if we were building our identities on an RPG character sheet.|
It's assumed, of course, that we love our partners in a different way from all of those other things; but we may also love our (multiple) partners in different ways, or other things in the same way. Life's not a list of checkboxes.
Today, however, looks like being a day of lethargy and depression. Somehow I need to find something worth doing, besides the blasted jobhunt, which feels like I'm firing slowly and blindly into a forest in hopes of hitting something edible.
One thing that I find frustrating is that a lot of people are perfectly cool with having a variety of *friends*, but they can't quite get their heads around why one might consider having a variety of lovers/partners (or more than one, at that).
I have had very different needs met by the people who've been significant in my life . . . the General Public tends to assume that it's just *sexual* needs, but that's not the case at all (although I certainly will say that I'm a different lover with different people, depending on the ways in which we mesh) -- I mean, I love my husband to bits, but I can't *geek* with him in a lot of the ways that are important to me -- we don't share all of the same interests, and I'm perfectly happy with that . . . but I also love to share the thrill of discovery or the delights of sharing a personal treasure with someone who's special to me, and I don't see why I should want to give that up just because I am with someone who I adore but who doesn't enjoy some of those things.
Relationships, in the end, are far more about the underlying friendship than the sex, no matter how good it is . . . I may be an atypical sample, because I've always been someone who prefers to date good friends, and who *stays* friends with former lovers, but, to me, polyamory is about not closing the doors to experiences with new people, and about not restricting love/affection/intimacy to just one person. And stuff.
I'm sure I had a point in there somewhere :>
-- A <3